You Know What Sucks Worse Than Addiction?

Withdrawal. Withdrawal sucks ass.

Like I said in my previous post, I didn't stop being addicted to food when I got my surgery. I just can't feed my addiction anymore. And it feels shitty.

I would like to be able to eat a meal without feeling like an alien is going to burst out of my chest, but it's not going to happen. I can eat half a sandwich before I'm banging my fist on the table in a fit of pain. It makes me just want to avoid food altogether.

But, there is good news. I'm down to 312 pounds, from my original weight of 367. For my Canadian friends, that's going from 166 kg to 141. I'm very happy about that.

Strangely, it's showing up more in my waistline than on my scale. I've only lost five pounds since my last entry, but I've lost more than a few inches off of my stomach. My work pants, which were already being just barely held up by a belt, are now a mass of bunched up cloth that droops far below my belt-line. Why I'm losing lots of body fat but not seeing it on a scale is a mystery to me, as I have not gained much in the way of muscle mass. In fact, in that department, I'm struggling to lift the same kinds of weights I did pre-surgery. I lost a lot of muscle mass when I was on medical restriction, so I have to start from the bottom and work my way back up.

As far as fitness goes, I can do a mile run in under 12 minutes now. My goal is to get below 10 minutes before I do the Cupid's Undie Run on Feb 15th (btw-donate now! All donations go toward the Children's Tumor Foundation.)

For all my Canadian friends, that means going from 12 minutes to under 10. ;)

My diabetes is all but vanquished. I can't take my medications anymore without going hypoglycemic.

So I have all the benefits of losing weight with me, but can't shake my fucking addiction. It makes me glad I did have this surgery. As much as it sucks, if I wasn't physically unable to eat thousands of calories in a single sitting, I'd be off this diet right now and I'd gain back all the weight I lost in a couple of weeks.

I'm stuck on this diet, whether I like it or not. :)