This Week...

I had to take some time off because I got sick. Just a cold, but I want to get healed up as quickly as possible and that means not working out doing being active for a while. My immune system will need all of my energy!

I hope I get better soon as I really don't like not working out.

Anyway, despite being sick I've been feeling really good lately. I don't know if it's because my blood sugar stabilized after the surgery or just all the endorphins that my body keeps releasing from working out, but I've been very happy lately. I notice I treat people nicer, give them compliments, or try to make them feel good. I don't totally hate talking to complete strangers anymore.

And all the confidence. I have, ALL of the confidence.

Despite this, I do have one problem that needs to be dealt with.

I'm an alcoholic.

I was a borderline alcoholic before my surgery, and I lied about my drinking just so I could get the surgery in the first place. Then after the surgery I just became a high-functioning alcoholic. I would quit drinking for a week or a few days at a time, but eventually I'd go back to my habit of getting drunk on a nightly basis.

For the past few months I didn't care about being an alcoholic, considering I was high functioning, wasn't violent, and didn't drink unless it was my off time. But then I read this story:

This weekend, Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley announced that he is being treated in hospital after alcoholism “finally caught up” with him. 

“Hey everyone, it’s Deryck here. Sorry I’ve been so m.i.a. lately, but I’ve been very sick in the hospital for a month and was pretty sick for a few weeks leading up to my trip to the hospital,” he wrote. “The reason I got so sick is from all the hard boozing I've been doing over the years. It finally caught up to me.” 

He told of how he was “drinking hard every day” until one evening he poured himself another drink and sat down to watch a film when he collapsed unconscious. 

“I was stuck with needles and IV’s all over. I was completely sedated the FIRST WEEK. When I finally woke up the next day I had no idea where I was. My mum and step dad were standing over me. I was so freaked out. My liver and kidney’s collapsed on me. Needless to say it scared me straight.”

He's only a year older than me. Jesus...

I got my surgery because I knew that I'd be dead before I was 40 if I didn't lose weight. If I don't deal with my alcoholism, I may still be dead before I'm 40.

So I have to find a way to fix this. AA isn't going to help me. I tried Overeater's Anonymous and they use the Alcoholics Anonymous handbook. It didn't help, mostly due to the fact that everything in that book says that you have to "turn your life over to God". When you don't believe in God, it doesn't do you much good. It's even off-putting to hear that.

But there are other ways to get help. There's plenty of pills out there that make it so you won't crave alcohol anymore. If I can find a secular group around here (fat chance, but I'm looking), I'll join it. I have to see the doctor soon to see what can be done. Good thing I have insurance!