And that's what this post is about. Why the fuck am I addicted to posting stuff online?
I started reading blogs and news sites to keep up on what's going on in the world, and many times after reading a story I want to post a comment about it, or post the story to a feed on some social media site with my thoughts on the article. So I signed up for one of the news sites that still has a comment section and fired away with my thoughts on a news story. It felt good to say my piece and put it into the universe.
And then the old familiar rush of getting into an online argument began again. I posted my thoughts about politics online, and like chum thrown into the ocean, the sharks took the bait. Within minutes, I was high on arguing about politics online.
I'm not kidding. It's a high. I literally get an adrenaline rush from it.
Why am I like this? I don't want to be like this. I know that the years I spent having online arguments as my primary mode of social interaction fucked up my ability to talk to people in the real world.
While typing all of that out, I decided to Google "why am I addicted to arguing online" and found a few articles about it. I guess I'm not alone in admitting that this is an addiction.
I found this article in Psychology Today that said of trolls and what they refer to as "troll-lite" (people that just enjoy arguing online) that said of us, "they are more narcissistic, Machiavellian, psychopathic and sadistic." But I don't feel like I'm any of those things.
However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I do have a need to be right all the time. And I also feel like everyone else should also be right all the time. If not, I should correct them.
Yeah, that would explain the addiction. It's a usually safe and anonymous way to get those two needs met. I get the feeling of superiority of feeling like I'm right and telling everyone else that they're wrong.
Fuck me, that's not a characteristic I want to have. That's definitely making it hard to make friends with people.
I've been staring at this screen for the past five minutes wondering if this characteristic is from trauma or something I was born with. I think it's because of my experience with religion. I was in the Independent Fundamental Baptist church when I was a teenager and if you know anything about that church, they do feel the need to be right about everything, and letting you know that you're wrong is a matter of keeping you from burning for eternity.
Maybe that's it. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it's a combination of things. All I know is, this is something I need to change.
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