Size Doesn't Matter/A Little Unconfident

I'm trying to crank out at least one post a week related to fitness to track my progress as I make my journey into the thousand pound club. I missed last week because of life and stuff, so you're getting last week's and this week's progress reports today.

Last week I wrapped up week three on the Candito program, which has me doing the "Linear Max OT Phase", which basically means, "just a tad more than what you were lifting doing the Starting Strength thing". Real easy stuff compared to the previous week. I wrapped it up with no issues.

At the end of that week, I was noticing that I have packed on some crazy muscle mass over the past month. I keep telling myself that I don't do this to look buff, and that size doesn't matter. But when I look at my body and I can see massive amounts of gain in lean muscle mass, I can't help but to feel good about it. It's hard to not let that go to your head, and it can also lead to thinking some bad thoughts.

I don't want to be the guy that thinks, "Hey, I should do this exercise, because it'll make my (fill in body part here) look massive!" I am not a bodybuilder. I don't do this for looks. Yet there were a few times where I was tempted to do all of my accessory exercises around what would help make me look good. Those are bad thoughts. "We don't train for looks", I have to remind myself. "We train for battle."

So that wraps up last week's thoughts. This week deals with my disturbing lack of confidence.

This week is the "Heavy Weight Acclimation" phase. Heavy lifts with low reps, getting me ready for next week when I prepare to smash previous personal records. And with every session, I find myself questioning whether or not I'm strong enough to do my sets.

Let's get this out of the way: I am strong enough to finish these sets. I knock them out of the park every time. Hell, I could easily do a couple extra reps each time. Yet I keep entering my workout with a sense of insecurity.

I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because I'm really, for the first time in my life, pushing myself past the point that I ever thought I was capable. Maybe it's because I was struggling toward the end of Phase One of my training, and even though struggling was in the plan, it just has my confidence shot. Or maybe it's because I'm doing all of this shit with a cold and just feel under the weather. I don't know.

What I do know is, I shouldn't be so insecure about this shit. I'm more than strong enough. The Candito plan works. I'm stronger now than I've ever been in my life. I'm stronger than most people. I need to trust in the process, and trust in myself. I am a warrior. I need to be confident that I can do this. Because I can do this. I am strong enough. Not just strong enough, but stronger.

I guess I need to attach a photo or video so this will get someone's attention when I post this on Facebook, so here's a song I heard recently that reminds me of my wife and me. Love ya, babe!