The Voice and the Beast

When I workout, there’s two voices in my head.

The first one, I’ve simply named “The Voice”. The Voice has been with me for years. Every time I workout or start working out regularly, The Voice gives me reasons to quit. It tells me that I’m not strong enough, that the workout is too hard, and makes excuses to not workout. It’ll say that I’m tired, that I can’t accomplish the task given to me. Sometimes it will even fake injuries, making me feel a little pain in areas that magically heal up after I’m finished with the gym. And when none of that works, it’ll try to come up with reasons to not workout that will actually sound noble or selfless.

For example, today at the gym The Voice tried to convince me to not do leg lifts because “I’ll get the equipment all sweaty and the other people working out will think it’s gross”.

Yeah. Gotta look out for the other people in the gym. Even though I could, you know, just wipe the equipment down when I’m done. 

There truly is no lengths The Voice won’t go to to get me to quit. If screaming doesn’t work, it’ll try reasoning with me. It’ll try smooth talking. It will attempt to use a logical argument to explain why it’s in my best interest to quit. Until recently, he won a lot more battles than he lost.

The Voice is the embodiment of my self-doubt, my fears, and my desire for instant gratification. The Voice hates hard work. The Voice wants everything to be easy. And if it’s not easy, he doesn’t want me to do it.

After my last diary entry, when I acknowledged the existence of The Voice, he became louder. Beating him didn’t make him go away. Acknowledging his existence didn’t make him go away or diminish his power. He just works harder to get me to quit. The Voice is one persistent son of a bitch.

This persistence gave rise to something different while doing my run yesterday.

As The Voice continued to talk to me, I imagined something in my mind’s eye. There was a man grabbing The Voice by the throat and lifting him in the air. The Voice was no longer speaking. All he was making was choking sounds. And the man doing the choking was me, but a much larger version. Ten feet tall, and ripped to shit. With arms the size of artillery cannons. He chokes The Voice like he just gave away his last fuck an hour ago. While he’s choking The Voice, he looks at me and simply says “Run.” And I do. The Voice remains silent.

This other voice is simply called “Beast”.

Beast doesn’t kill The Voice. That’s impossible. The Voice doesn’t die, no matter how many times you beat him. But Beast silences him. He takes away The Voice’s power.

I like Beast.

When The Voice attempts to talk me out of a workout, I simply tell Beast to “sic ‘em”. And he does. The Voice is afraid of Beast.

And he should be.

I'm also down to 276. Enjoy the video.