When my first daughter (Hailey) was born, I had no idea how to deal with babies. I was under the faulty assumption that my kids would do everything I say without question, and that's how it was going to be because I'm the dad, and they're not. As comedian Tom Papa said, "I'm going to have kids; I'm going to be the king of the castle. I'm going to make people and rule them." It never occurred to me that even babies have minds of their own, and they aren't going to do things your way just because you want them to.
I also was a little too determined to make her strong. For the first few weeks Hailey was born, I showed little compassion towards her because I had made up my mind that life is tough, and I was going to have to make her tougher. This meant that even menial tasks like changing a diaper were done with all the care and compassion that one would have changing a spare tire.
I changed my tone after a few weeks when I realized I'm dealing with an infant and not a soldier in Basic Combat Training.
Our second daughter (Laurel) was born a little more than two years later. By that time I had figured out at least the basics of being a parent, so I've been much more patient with her. It helps that unlike my first-born (who did nothing but cry if mommy wasn't holding her for the first six months), Laurel is an incredibly calm baby. When you hold her, she smiles and laughs. She doesn't cry unless she's in distress. Her default setting is sleep. She has to be the most low-maintenance baby in the history of babies.
They're also turning me into wimps. You ever see a grown man who looks like he could rip a phone book in half make funny noises at their baby to get a smile out of them? I'm that guy. When I hold my kids, I shower them with kisses. When I don't have to work, I get out of bed at night to feed Laurel so my wife can sleep. I make bottles and change diapers. Right now I'm reading a book on how to properly raise kids without spanking them, because spanking your kids makes them stupid and turns them into assholes.
Some might say, "Why do you think that's turned you into a wimp?" To them I say: Shut the fuck up. Do you have any idea how I dealt with anyone, let alone kids, before I had them? Affection was never my thing. I didn't like most people. To be honest, I still don't, but at least I don't totally zone out when they tell me stories about their lives. Being a war veteran caused me to shut off that part of myself because war doesn't have much room for those kinds of emotions. So yes, I feel like my kids are turning me into a wimp. But I'm okay with that.
I'm still determined to make my kids tough. Like I told my wife when she was pregnant with Hailey, "One out of four women are sexually assaulted at some point in their life. I'm going to make damn well sure that our kid isn't that one." But you can do that while still showing love, too. If anything, it's helping because I've turned exercise into a game with Hailey (as opposed to a chore), and I'll be doing that soon enough with Laurel. Hailey and I spend our time hitting the heavy bag as a way to bond. I don't force her to do it; she begs me to do it. I bought a monkey bar set on Ebay so she'll have fun while she's working her upper body. A kid's center down the street from us offers to teach karate to kids as young as three years old. When Hailey turns three next month, I'm signing her up.
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| $200 down the drain. Thanks, Obama! |
I changed my tone after a few weeks when I realized I'm dealing with an infant and not a soldier in Basic Combat Training.
Our second daughter (Laurel) was born a little more than two years later. By that time I had figured out at least the basics of being a parent, so I've been much more patient with her. It helps that unlike my first-born (who did nothing but cry if mommy wasn't holding her for the first six months), Laurel is an incredibly calm baby. When you hold her, she smiles and laughs. She doesn't cry unless she's in distress. Her default setting is sleep. She has to be the most low-maintenance baby in the history of babies.
They're also turning me into wimps. You ever see a grown man who looks like he could rip a phone book in half make funny noises at their baby to get a smile out of them? I'm that guy. When I hold my kids, I shower them with kisses. When I don't have to work, I get out of bed at night to feed Laurel so my wife can sleep. I make bottles and change diapers. Right now I'm reading a book on how to properly raise kids without spanking them, because spanking your kids makes them stupid and turns them into assholes.
Some might say, "Why do you think that's turned you into a wimp?" To them I say: Shut the fuck up. Do you have any idea how I dealt with anyone, let alone kids, before I had them? Affection was never my thing. I didn't like most people. To be honest, I still don't, but at least I don't totally zone out when they tell me stories about their lives. Being a war veteran caused me to shut off that part of myself because war doesn't have much room for those kinds of emotions. So yes, I feel like my kids are turning me into a wimp. But I'm okay with that.
I'm still determined to make my kids tough. Like I told my wife when she was pregnant with Hailey, "One out of four women are sexually assaulted at some point in their life. I'm going to make damn well sure that our kid isn't that one." But you can do that while still showing love, too. If anything, it's helping because I've turned exercise into a game with Hailey (as opposed to a chore), and I'll be doing that soon enough with Laurel. Hailey and I spend our time hitting the heavy bag as a way to bond. I don't force her to do it; she begs me to do it. I bought a monkey bar set on Ebay so she'll have fun while she's working her upper body. A kid's center down the street from us offers to teach karate to kids as young as three years old. When Hailey turns three next month, I'm signing her up.
